For the first time in such a long time I have my swagger back! My career in the car business was part stroke of luck, and part determination. I came up in the Golf business and loved it. However, the money was simply not enough for the nice things in life that I wanted so dearly. I left Edwin Watts and started interviewing for sales positions. I was great at selling golf clubs, and I love cars so why not?? My first interview was at a Nissan store in FL, with Leo. Little did I know what an impact he would have on my life down the road. He was the first person who ever asked me how much money I want to make. I was a little surprised and told him I have to make 36k a year. Wow, I thought that was a ton of money! Leo had the "car talk" with me about how hard it is for females to make it in the biz. The schedule sucks, it just does. But the money can be GREAT! I had my head set on it and within 6 months I was a finance manager. My first job ever with a guaranteed 4 grand a month. I will always remember my first paycheck that was bigger that what my dad brought home. (Before the crack days obviously)
The story of how I got the finance job is a great one indeed. To this day I do promise that I had absolutely nothing to do with the wreck! I started making money right away (and we were spending it just as fast!). Leo took a lot of time and effort training me, but more for life than for a job. I told him that I wanted to be a used car manager. I love cars in general, and used are where I have the most fun. He laughed, reminded me that I am a girl and told me my next step would be finance. Dennis was our only finance guy because we were a small store. I started spending a lot of time with him watching and learning without him really knowing. Then I started to ask him to teach me and I could back him up for an of day and early night. This is worth gold in our business so he jumped on it. Then one day he is riding his motorcycle to work and got hit, broke both legs. It really was horrible, and now we were without a finance person at all. Needless to say I sold myself to the owner and moved in his office that day. My numbers were so good right away that Dennis never came back. Sorry :(
Now, here I sit soo many years later about to embark on a very exciting opportunity in the finance office again!! Moving out of FL crushed my career. I was getting recruiting calls every month. People knew that I was good, I had proved it over and over again. Things happened and we moved to South Carolina , where I pretty much had to start over. I went to work the day after we moved at a Toyota store. It was fun at first, and they did promote me after only a few months. Things here are just tooo rocky to be comfortable. There is no structure at all and that drives me insane. Then all of a sudden I get a call at work from the GM of our competitor across the river!! If felt so good to say man can you call me on my cell?? I interviewed with him that night, and he offered me a job :) I left that dealership feeling like a different person. Someone I remember that's been buried a while. Life had beaten me up so bad that my confidence was shattered. Not any more!
My nerves are going crazy because this is going to be such a challenge. It is a very high volume, high pressure environment. I have to go in as a rock star, there is no other option. To date I am waiting on a starting date, hopefully in the next few days. It's hard to work every day here and know that I'm leaving. There is for sure no motivation, but if I don't produce bills don't get paid, which currently they aren't. Anyway, this has turned into a ramble. I can't wait to embark on this new chapter in my life, and provide for my family the way that they deserve!
The ramblings of a 30 something trying to find my place in this world.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Pain sucks
As long as I can remember my joints and bones have hurt. Now, I understand that people get sore, bruised, etc. I have been tested for Lupus and RA numerous times. To be honest I really don't care what causes it, I just want it to stop!!! My lower back is the worst, because of a few ruptured discs. There are days that I literally can not walk because the swelling is so bad. On those days I actually feel better about hurting because there is a visual, my swollen bubble butt! Now, I have dealt with this for so long that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I always feel horrible when I have spells because Derek gets stuck doing 80% of the house work instead of his usual 60%. Without him I don't know how I would make it. As frustrating as it is to have to do all of the bending over, or physical work at home he never complains. He is my saint. My girls have also been wonderful about taking care of me too, they can be sooo sweet sometimes.
Why does it make me feel so guilty to have such bad genes?! I will be 32 years old this March, very far away from the vegetable that I feel like sometimes. Sleep has been one of the biggest hurdles lately. I can't get enough sleep no matter what it seems. If I sleep 10 hours my body craves 12. My family is pushing a little to get me on anti depressants, but I really don't feel depressed. I do cry ALL THE TIME. Like really, the Today show makes me cry. Is it possible to go through menopause in your 30'S? That is honestly how I feel. I am really happy overall, but the little things make me sad. Overall, we are in such a better place in life than we were at this time last year.
Why does it make me feel so guilty to have such bad genes?! I will be 32 years old this March, very far away from the vegetable that I feel like sometimes. Sleep has been one of the biggest hurdles lately. I can't get enough sleep no matter what it seems. If I sleep 10 hours my body craves 12. My family is pushing a little to get me on anti depressants, but I really don't feel depressed. I do cry ALL THE TIME. Like really, the Today show makes me cry. Is it possible to go through menopause in your 30'S? That is honestly how I feel. I am really happy overall, but the little things make me sad. Overall, we are in such a better place in life than we were at this time last year.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
2011 The year of HORRIBLE
I must have been Hitler in my past life. You laugh, but let me first begin my list of why 2011 was indeed, the worst of my 31 years on Earth. Well, we may as well start at the beginning.......
January 2011----Early on in the month we get a visit from the Sheriff with a 24 hour notice to move out of our house, thankfully he was in a great mood and gave us till Monday! This was not a total surprise, long story but we lost our house. From here we move with our 2 kids (14 and 7 girls) into a room at The Value Place. A hotel that is now a vivid memory etched into each of our respective brains. We lived here in a room smaller that a normal living room, and one bathroom with a Kitchenette. It was such an adjustment! We were forced to become very good at finding multiple uses for things. Who would have ever known you can rice in the coffee pot! This lasted until March 16th, 2 and a half months. We almost didn't make it......
Feb and the beginning of March were pretty much an extension of Jan, with very serious teenager issues going down at the same time. On her last day of school Abby got her records and saw her birth certificate for the first time. Not good. We still can't openly discuss it.
March 12th My Birthday!!!!!!!!!!! Moving Day!!! And the Tsunami :(
We wake up ready to drive to see Derek's mom at the beach before we head north. The news keeps us in bed till checkout waiting for the wave to hit California. This is not enough to keep us from leaving the state of Florida though!! Just interesting to watch. Little did I know this would drastically affect my income in a few months.
**** Noteworthy*****
It is now Jan 2012, somehow too much bad stuff happened for me to have time to finish!! I still feel the need to notate events of the past year however, just so that I can look back and remember how bad it can get.
So, after March the car biz started to drastically suck. We could not get cars to sell, and my income took a drastic hit. My income has always paid our bills and provided any "extras" that we had. Derek loves his job dearly, but unfortunately did not choose a high paying profession. I have all of the respect in the world for him because he does truly love what he does. I go to work, bust ass, stress out and make money hopefully. Anyway, in recent years my confidence at being able to provide for my family has been shattered. This did not help by any means, and started the ball of momentum rolling once again.
The summer went bye pretty fast. When we moved we lived with mom for a few weeks until we found our house. We enrolled the girls in school bye her house so had to drive an hour every day to pick them up once we moved. In August school started back and we had to switch the girls one more time. It sucked for Abby who had to start high school with lots of strangers.
Around October we have more money going out than coming in. I was at the time paying a thousand dollars a month to insure everyone. We had not really used it and could not afford to pay rent any longer, so I cancelled it. Now my thought here was that we could get a lesser personal coverage outside of work, just didn't quite get around to it..... 2 Weeks later I get a call from Payton's school. She fell jumping out of the swings and broke her arm in 2 places around the elbow. We go through 2 hospitals and lots of visits. Talks of surgery, though with no insurance no one was volunteering to help us. 6 weeks in a cast that was very trying, and shes good as new now.
In the same time that the drama with Bobo's arm was going down Derek's transmission died in the Murano. He picked Abby up from play practice, then it just wouldn't move. We owe 13k on it and it's worth maybe 4 not running? 3500 to get the tranny fixed, 18,000 miles out of warranty. Well, this did make my decision to file bankruptcy easier. I did get lucky here and bought an old Jeep we traded in for 1500 bucks. Just really sucks to let the Murano go back. We loved that car, but then again we used to really value all of our "things". Not so much anymore. A car is transportation, not horsepower. At this point in my life anyway. Maybe that will change one day, maybe not.
Around the same time Uncle Major passed away in Alabama. I really wanted to go and see my family I haven't seen in 10 years, but couldn't afford it. Mom got super sick in this time and was in the hospital over a week. She had to have several blood transfusions, and we were pretty scared for a while. She made it out and has been doing much better.
Then December comes and Big Mama dies. I really had a hard time with this one. My Big Mama was not your typical grandmother by any stretch of the imagination. In fact she called me little heffer until I was grown. Again, I couldn't afford to go. Sarah took Payton so that she could meet her family there. She had no idea so many people are kin to her! She also met my dad, which was bittersweet. He doesn't deserve to have her in his life, but she doesn't deserve to not know her grandfather. So they met, and dad and I have actually been talking a bit. I think he's clean, but been there done that. I guess only time will tell. Is Payton the thing that will be more important to him than crack???? Worse yet, what if she's not????
So, I wish that I could sum it up here but I had one more disaster! The week of Christmas Derek woke up to get ready for work and walked into three inches of water covering the floor. A pipe burst in our wall in the middle of the night and the house flooded. I had just spent HOURS the day before wrapping presents all of which were ruined. It took the City an hour to get there and shut the water off. We just watched it pour and swept as much as possible out. We did get new carpet out of the deal, but I am still unpacking boxes in the garage. We had to throw stuff together and move it fast, now I am putting the pieces back together.
2011 is over and 2012 is here!! I am blessed to come home to my kids and my best friend every night. In July this year, on Friday the 13th I will have been married 10 years. It's crazy to believe, and the topic of another blog for sure. Here's to a new year, new hopes, new dreams, and lots of cash!!!!!!!!!!
January 2011----Early on in the month we get a visit from the Sheriff with a 24 hour notice to move out of our house, thankfully he was in a great mood and gave us till Monday! This was not a total surprise, long story but we lost our house. From here we move with our 2 kids (14 and 7 girls) into a room at The Value Place. A hotel that is now a vivid memory etched into each of our respective brains. We lived here in a room smaller that a normal living room, and one bathroom with a Kitchenette. It was such an adjustment! We were forced to become very good at finding multiple uses for things. Who would have ever known you can rice in the coffee pot! This lasted until March 16th, 2 and a half months. We almost didn't make it......
Feb and the beginning of March were pretty much an extension of Jan, with very serious teenager issues going down at the same time. On her last day of school Abby got her records and saw her birth certificate for the first time. Not good. We still can't openly discuss it.
March 12th My Birthday!!!!!!!!!!! Moving Day!!! And the Tsunami :(
We wake up ready to drive to see Derek's mom at the beach before we head north. The news keeps us in bed till checkout waiting for the wave to hit California. This is not enough to keep us from leaving the state of Florida though!! Just interesting to watch. Little did I know this would drastically affect my income in a few months.
**** Noteworthy*****
It is now Jan 2012, somehow too much bad stuff happened for me to have time to finish!! I still feel the need to notate events of the past year however, just so that I can look back and remember how bad it can get.
So, after March the car biz started to drastically suck. We could not get cars to sell, and my income took a drastic hit. My income has always paid our bills and provided any "extras" that we had. Derek loves his job dearly, but unfortunately did not choose a high paying profession. I have all of the respect in the world for him because he does truly love what he does. I go to work, bust ass, stress out and make money hopefully. Anyway, in recent years my confidence at being able to provide for my family has been shattered. This did not help by any means, and started the ball of momentum rolling once again.
The summer went bye pretty fast. When we moved we lived with mom for a few weeks until we found our house. We enrolled the girls in school bye her house so had to drive an hour every day to pick them up once we moved. In August school started back and we had to switch the girls one more time. It sucked for Abby who had to start high school with lots of strangers.
Around October we have more money going out than coming in. I was at the time paying a thousand dollars a month to insure everyone. We had not really used it and could not afford to pay rent any longer, so I cancelled it. Now my thought here was that we could get a lesser personal coverage outside of work, just didn't quite get around to it..... 2 Weeks later I get a call from Payton's school. She fell jumping out of the swings and broke her arm in 2 places around the elbow. We go through 2 hospitals and lots of visits. Talks of surgery, though with no insurance no one was volunteering to help us. 6 weeks in a cast that was very trying, and shes good as new now.
In the same time that the drama with Bobo's arm was going down Derek's transmission died in the Murano. He picked Abby up from play practice, then it just wouldn't move. We owe 13k on it and it's worth maybe 4 not running? 3500 to get the tranny fixed, 18,000 miles out of warranty. Well, this did make my decision to file bankruptcy easier. I did get lucky here and bought an old Jeep we traded in for 1500 bucks. Just really sucks to let the Murano go back. We loved that car, but then again we used to really value all of our "things". Not so much anymore. A car is transportation, not horsepower. At this point in my life anyway. Maybe that will change one day, maybe not.
Around the same time Uncle Major passed away in Alabama. I really wanted to go and see my family I haven't seen in 10 years, but couldn't afford it. Mom got super sick in this time and was in the hospital over a week. She had to have several blood transfusions, and we were pretty scared for a while. She made it out and has been doing much better.
Then December comes and Big Mama dies. I really had a hard time with this one. My Big Mama was not your typical grandmother by any stretch of the imagination. In fact she called me little heffer until I was grown. Again, I couldn't afford to go. Sarah took Payton so that she could meet her family there. She had no idea so many people are kin to her! She also met my dad, which was bittersweet. He doesn't deserve to have her in his life, but she doesn't deserve to not know her grandfather. So they met, and dad and I have actually been talking a bit. I think he's clean, but been there done that. I guess only time will tell. Is Payton the thing that will be more important to him than crack???? Worse yet, what if she's not????
So, I wish that I could sum it up here but I had one more disaster! The week of Christmas Derek woke up to get ready for work and walked into three inches of water covering the floor. A pipe burst in our wall in the middle of the night and the house flooded. I had just spent HOURS the day before wrapping presents all of which were ruined. It took the City an hour to get there and shut the water off. We just watched it pour and swept as much as possible out. We did get new carpet out of the deal, but I am still unpacking boxes in the garage. We had to throw stuff together and move it fast, now I am putting the pieces back together.
2011 is over and 2012 is here!! I am blessed to come home to my kids and my best friend every night. In July this year, on Friday the 13th I will have been married 10 years. It's crazy to believe, and the topic of another blog for sure. Here's to a new year, new hopes, new dreams, and lots of cash!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
December Funeral
Today is my grandmothers viewing and tomorrow is her funeral. I have not seen her since 2002, and am not going to the funeral. I have very mixed emotions on this subject. Yes, she was my grandmother and I do love her, and am extremely sad. Where I struggle is the fact that my fathers entire side of the family chose to loose contact with my sister and I. See my father is a literal crack head, and historically every time he is given a choice he has chosen the drugs.
My dad wasn't always a crackhead, as I presume happens sometimes. For the first 17 years of my life he was relativley normal, other than being a wonanizing bastard. Then one day he tried Crack, or how ever it happned, and our lives have never been the same. He lost every penny my mom worked for her entire life, and dissappeared on binges at least once a month.
Fill in the blanks and you will see why I have not been home in so long. Part of me wants to go and get it over with, but I honestly don't know that I can deal with it. My earliest memory is despise for the state of Alabama and wanting to leave. I know that's bizzare, and I can't really explain it but it's true. All I wanted was to grow up and move away. I wanted to be as different from my family as possible. Sometimes I still do, though not all of them.....
My dad wasn't always a crackhead, as I presume happens sometimes. For the first 17 years of my life he was relativley normal, other than being a wonanizing bastard. Then one day he tried Crack, or how ever it happned, and our lives have never been the same. He lost every penny my mom worked for her entire life, and dissappeared on binges at least once a month.
Fill in the blanks and you will see why I have not been home in so long. Part of me wants to go and get it over with, but I honestly don't know that I can deal with it. My earliest memory is despise for the state of Alabama and wanting to leave. I know that's bizzare, and I can't really explain it but it's true. All I wanted was to grow up and move away. I wanted to be as different from my family as possible. Sometimes I still do, though not all of them.....
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