Pain sucks

     As long as I can remember my joints and bones have hurt. Now, I understand that people get sore, bruised, etc. I have been tested for Lupus and RA numerous times. To be honest I really don't care what causes it, I just want it to stop!!! My lower back is the worst, because of a few ruptured discs. There are days that I literally can not walk because the swelling is so bad. On those days I actually feel better about hurting because there is a visual, my swollen bubble butt! Now, I have dealt with this for so long that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I always feel horrible when I have spells because Derek gets stuck doing 80% of the house work instead of his usual 60%. Without him I don't know how I would make it. As frustrating as it is to have to do all of the bending over, or physical work at home he never complains. He is my saint. My girls have also been wonderful about taking care of me too, they can be sooo sweet sometimes.

   Why does it make me feel so guilty to have such bad genes?! I will be 32 years old this March, very far away from the vegetable that I feel like sometimes. Sleep has been one of the biggest hurdles lately. I can't get enough sleep no matter what it seems. If I sleep 10 hours my body craves 12. My family is pushing a little to get me on anti depressants, but I really don't feel depressed. I do cry ALL THE TIME. Like really, the Today show makes me cry. Is it possible to go through menopause in your 30'S? That is honestly how I feel. I am really happy overall, but the little things make me sad. Overall, we are in such a better place in life than we were at this time last year.